If I rewrote the star wars prequels

EPISODE 1

Qui-Gon: Hey guys I've found a ridiculously powerful kid who appears to be the product of immaculate conception!

Jedi Group #1: No, she has to be lying. Go do some actual detective work, Qui-Gon.

Jedi Group #2: But what if she isn't? Guys, we know you can totally use the Force to manipulate life and stuff, which means a rogue dynastic hopeful. Maybe even a Sith! We need to send a kill team to Tatooine right now to hunt down who's responsible and get rid of this kid - he's probably part of an evil plot somehow

Qui-Gon: No, hold up, you're overlooking something. What if it isn't manipulation of the Force, by BY the Force?? This could be a sign!

Jedi: are you smoking something again

Qui-Gon: Also I'm not letting you kill the kid but you can look for Sith if you want, I guess. I'm adopting him. He's my apprentice now.

Obi-Wan: I thought I was your apprentice.

Qui-Gon: You're promoted!

Jedi Group #1: This is highly irregular

Jedi Group #2: Have you not even read the history books, this stuff has totally happened before and it was never ever good

Qui-Gon: Yeah well I'm part of the Living Force philosophy, which is about taking things as they come and being grateful for gifts like insanely powerful potential recruits, and I have to point out that we did catch this kid early -- I'll train him, I'll be careful, it'll be fine.

*promptly gets shanked by Sith*

Jedi: Unfortunately he got all the papers signed before he died so we can't do anything and the kid's yours now, Obi

Obi-Wan: Crap


LATER


Padme: So Jedi aren't allowed to have kids because they're afraid that they'll found dynastic kingdoms ruled by supernatural warriors who will divvy up the galaxy into warring states like it was before the Republic  :|

Anakin: I know, right? That was like a million years ago, and not every one of us is some kind of power-hungry despot.

Padme: ....you went and stabbed bureaucrats until they ended slavery on Tatooine.

Anakin: I ended slavery on Tatooine!  Also no one can trace the stabbing to me, it's fine.

Padme: I can't believe that mind trick thing is legal

Anakin: I know, right?